Thursday, June 23, 2011

What rhymes with blood?

There once was a doctor fresh out of school,
About to enter a hospital very cruel.
He looked around the ward, totally enthused,
Not knowing he'll soon be thoroughly abused.
The residents knew how this creature would work,
With wide eyes in the shadows they'd lurk;
Hunting, searching, grabbing at the chance
To make him on their fingertips, dance.

Everyday patients would come & go,
But somehow his knowledge would never grow.
Then one day he finally decided,
He'd do no work unless he was properly guided.
He'd prod & pry & request on both knees,
"Sir, won't you teach me what you're doing, please?"
"Alright" was the reply, the resident still undecided,
He looked around & towards a patient he glided.
"Here's this patient, draw his blood", he said
The intern would rather treat the disease instead.
Fresh out of school he still jumped at the chance,
Not knowing this would end up becoming his ritual dance.

For from that morning his life would flood,
With endless, over-powering collections of blood.
Days passed by without any respite,
Still trying to overpower a small vein's might.
He knew that soon something needed to be done,
Looking at his own veins made his head spun.
He told his superiors, "Sir, Why not give it a rest?
Why we need so much blood, I cannot digest
Every morning, I bleed these men & women dry,
And, if it clots, I must give it another try"
They just laughed & handed him another list,
More blood to collect, the intern got pissed!
The patient list crushed within his fist,
And so his protest they easily dismissed.

He walked over to the door & hung up a sign:
'Without blood, urine & stool we can't make you fine.
And if you so choose to decline our request,
I love you for finally giving me some rest.
Here, the needles are not the only pricks,
Cause these doctors can be such dastardly dicks.
Soon I'll bid adieu & be out of your hair
Leaving another intern be the cause of despair'



Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Textbook Paradigm

My first post as guest blogger & I'm already breaking into a cold sweat. Not because I don't really have something to write about (I pull off miracles with nonsense everyday), but  because I was told other students/professionals from different streams have been called together to blog for Bucket-Bolt. I don't have  a clue what they're going to writing about (or whether they'll write at all). Maybe some engineering guy can post how to edit html script, cause its ruining my own blog. Wishful thinking on my part?

Coming back to the actual post, it didn't take a mental mad-dash to come up a suitable subject. Seeing what Bucket-bolt's primary business is, books kinda seemed obvious. So, here's my version of The Textbook Paradigm

I'm a nerd & love being that way. There's nothing I love more than my books. Over the course of school, college & now med school, I've amassed a huge library of every damn subject that even vaguely interests me & books that I've ordered especially for me. I proudly display my titles in neat stacks & piles in my room for all to see, like a tribute to my medical degree! I love the smell of new books. Its reminiscent of all the years gone by, every memory like a page describing a fresh year at college.

Every year, I go through the regular routine of making up a list, checking what's available, ordering them from  Bucket-Bolt (I swear I do) & start tagging all the books with my name. From that point on, its all downhill! The books seem a lot less interesting once you have to read every last page. Watching the pages turn from pristine white to beige has to be one of the slowest processes ever. Another particular problem I have is that no one truly appreciates the size of the book you're reading. In my college, everyone turns the book on its side & examines the rows of pages that've turned brown; its a marker for how much you've actually managed to read. Its a royal piss-off, one that should be punishable by the electric chair!

Another particular problem, especially for med students is the "edition mismatch". The moment a fresh edition is published, be sure that whatever you know or believe you know is now of no significance. Medical knowledge changes so rapidly & fresh additions are made at such a rapid pace that you can't afford to rely on an earlier edition. It's times like these when I'm thankful that we have a lot of people around who are more than happy to exchange older books for new. For one, its definitely lighter on my stipend & secondly, who wants outdated stuff lying around? I don't store old newspapers, do I? Though I definitely wish there was a way of transferring all my markings & post-it notes from one book to another. Wishful thinking, again? 

Feel free to comment if you've had something similar happen to you or if you're nerdier than me when it comes to books! Until then, I'll leave you with a hilarious video I found online: